The painful truth is we often don’t say what we really mean. We hide our feelings, bury our point of view, and disregard our thoughts and desires. Maybe we’re afraid to be seen because we think we’ll be judged, fear what we have to say is not good enough, or just want to keep the peace. So instead, we come in sideways.
It goes something like this, our partner makes us furious, but instead of speaking those hurt feelings we say, leave me alone, and run and hide or dig in with a passive-aggressive zinger to conceal the fact we’re shattered. We use a voice or speak a language that doesn’t really fit with what’s in our heart because we don’t want to face a fight or the fallout. How about this one, a co-worker makes us feel small or undervalued, and instead of calmly addressing the overstep with what needs to be spoken we couch it in fake niceties or smooth it over in order to get along. Keeping this kind of peace comes at a price. Speaking in tongues is about faking who we are and how we’re feeling.
This hiding here and there for difficult people or during trying situations can easily turn into not living important parts of ourselves in the everyday. Maybe we hide our light and our voice because we don’t want to draw too much attention to ourselves, hurt anyone’s feelings, or seem like a know-it-all. So instead of just saying it like it is, we end up speaking in tongues. Using these softer words that are padded in equivocation, so that what we say is shrouded and easily misinterpreted. Speaking in half-truths sidetracks and softens what we really have to say and keeps us caged in a false sense of self.
There can be many reasons we don’t speak up, fear of rejection or being misunderstood, feeling we may be loved less or shamed if those around us knew our real truth. But to be seen for who we really are we have to say what we really think instead of sugar-coating it. We can’t keep speaking the words we assume others want to hear or walk on eggshells so we don’t offend, which by the way is impossible, I don’t care how nice we are. Speaking up is not about being mean, it’s about being real, and it starts by being honest with ourselves.
Sometimes the peace absolutely needs to be upended because it is a false peace. Breaking the cycle of sidestepping what we’re really feeling begins when we speak straight from the soul. This is our deep-down truth, it’s not about making a point or being defensive, it’s about clarity and honesty. This is when the magic can happen, and not just for us but for those around us as well. But just in case you come across someone who doesn’t like what you have to say, remember, you aren’t responsible for what others think about you or what you’ve got to say. Everyone has their own tangled mess to contend with which has nothing to do with you.
What speaking in tongues really means is that we’ve stopped speaking the language of our soul and our innermost truth. We’ve buried it, covered it over, dolled it up so it’s acceptable, or stuffed it down, hoping to forget. But the time to hedge is over, the time to please others that comes at our own expense has run its course. It’s never been a sustainable model and it never will be.
If we want to stop speaking in tongues, we need to start saying what rests and resonates within our heart.
kb
