That got hammered home when one day a co-worker said to me, “I feel I don’t really know you. You’re like a chameleon.” I just blended in! I had learned not to make waves. At this time my husband and I were on the road helping companies rebrand and realign. This meant we were in any given location about three months, then on to the next. It was just easier to be neutral, I wasn’t going to be there long. They weren’t really my close friends. Why bother revealing myself?
Because it’s a total soul crusher if you don’t!! Just saying. Up until that point I didn’t realize I was being less and less of who I truly was. And that lack of sense of who I was transferred over into my personal life. I wasn’t sure what parts really belonged to me and what parts were just a facade. I think I lulled myself into the idea that things would change one day. One day in the future I would settle down, buy a house, putting down roots and then become who I really was. The thing is that day never came and I’m not sure when it would have come if that co-worker didn’t scare my life back into me. He jolted me back awake to the fact that becoming ourselves is an ongoing process not a singular event.
There is a Buddha quote I found on Pinterest that says, “The trouble is, you think you have time.” And the truth is all we have is now. And what we do with the now is all that matters. There is no waiting. There is no tomorrow. There is just this moment and what we choose to make of it. Jung says something similar which is, “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” What we do defines our life, it defines who we are.
We can talk and talk about everything we want to do, what we will do someday, but until we really start living it, really start doing it, it’s just hollow talk. The point in not hiding is to show who you really are, be who you were meant to be. Now, for real, no faking.
The comment he made startled me. It made me wake up and ask, “Well who the hell am I anyway?” And so begins the journey anew. I think it is a question we ask ourselves all throughout our lives. But there are certain junctures when we make significant realignments. No one wants to be judged. But what I want even less is to let the pressure of fitting in stop me from living who I truly am.
This is my hope and prayer for everyone. That we all get to be everything we truly are, fearlessly and fully.
Peace and blessings
kb
