Every day we have the chance and the choice to move forward in our lives. We set new goals, gain more insights, and uncover previously unused parts of ourselves. But the past can sometimes haunt us, all the things we wished we would’ve done or said, or not done and said. The problem is flirting with the old self keeps tugging us backwards and pulling us into patterns, routines, and ruts we thought we’d moved on from. The lessons we’ve already learned or bad habits we’ve resolved make way for a different level of living but somehow the ego wants to stay wrapped up in the old self and can circumvent our forward progress in many different ways and for all kinds of reasons. The funny thing is it happens with what we love to do just as often as it happens with the things we no longer want to do.

I’ll give you an example, I love to take hot baths. When I get into that tub with the steamy water, sea salt, and combination of essential oils I melt. It feels so good you’d think I’d do it all the time, but no. Sometimes I don’t feel like cleaning the tub, or don’t feel I have enough time to really relax into it, or am just too lazy. That’s the old self with a firm grip on the me of now who really does want to hop in the tub. Now picture something a little trickier, an old pattern of behavior in a relationship or everyday actions that seem so normal we don’t even look at them as something to be upcycled into more joy. When we aren’t paying attention the grip of our old selves tightens, and the old self can be sneaky and a little cut-throat when it comes to the changes the new self wants to cultivate.

So why is it so hard to just do what we want to do?

I think there’s an unspoken push and pull between who we used to be that feels comfortable and safe and who we are becoming that feels shaky and uncertain. These two aspects of ourselves battle it out. The old self looks to see if there is still some ground in our old standby routines in which to firmly plant itself, while the new self feels like it’s a big waste of time and is ready to bloom into a new incarnation. But habits and new ways of being in the world take time to take root. It’s up to us to consciously decide which self will win out at any given moment.

Now granted, my bath example illustrates a pretty light-weight decision but those operating procedures are the same for the big things as well. Small decisions help us practice so when the biggies come along we’re prepared for how to deal with them. Everything we let into our lives is important so we need to choose wisely, we start by choosing what we love and those things that make us feel more whole. The new self tells us this is is not the time to settle, be wishy-washy, or untruthful about what it is we really want.

Getting lost along the way is easy. There are a million assessments and reassessments we make each day about what’s really going on and how we feel about it. What’s old, what’s new, what we really want, what we’ve outgrown, and what was never even ours. Lots of question all the time means it’s easy to lose our bearings about what wants to be born and what wants to be released, and very easy to get swallowed up in second guessing. But when we really show up and are devastatingly honest about what it is we know we need and follow through, the new self gets its say.

Don’t be afraid to let go of what no longer suits you and try on something new. Stop waiting or the past will repeat itself when we aren’t willing to make choices based on who we are now and what matters most to us. Have the courage to cut cords with the old self you’ve outgrown and set sail into the unknown.

This is where your true self waits for you.

kb