The truth is we all have a mother complex. We all are born from our mother’s body, we all live on Mother Earth, and one day our bodies will be absorbed back into the earth. There’s no escaping the Mother. Often we only let one side of this archetype speak, that is the nurturing, loving, healing side. We live there not only because it’s in our comfort zone, but because there’s also a tremendous amount of positive energy within this image that has the power to heal the wounds of our soul. But that’s only half of the story. There is another side of the Mother that we are less comfortable with, the darker side, the Cold Mother. This is the side of the Mother that shakes us awake and asks us to fully participate in our lives. We run from this side of the Mother, and the faster we run, the more actively this energy chases after us. What we fail to realize is the gift that’s being offered: our reverence for what we cannot control.
India has one of the most compelling goddesses for this dark aspect, Kali. She has a garland of skulls hanging from her neck and a skirt made up of dismembered arms. She is the destroyer. This is the aspect of the Mother that brings death to the our small thinking and to a way of life that no longer supports or sustains us. She shows us we’re not in control, and asks for our surrender. And although this can be terrifying, within this surrender to what we can’t manipulate is our redemption. She reminds us that reality is more than just what we can see or understand. This little fact carries a lot of baggage, and often instead of facing our fears or opening to what we don’t know, we run the other way. Let’s face it, it’s much easier not to know, so we stay snug in our little cocoon of safety. But inevitably there comes a time when that’s no longer enough and we are forced to break out of our old stale thinking in order to live something greater. This is the job of the Cold Mother. Even though we may not like or appreciate it, sometimes what’s needed is the dissolution of the lies we’ve been living in order to make us see what’s most important. The Cold Mother is there to get us face to face with what frightens and perplexes us, and to cut away what we no longer need but still desperately cling to. We are overpowered by this Kali energy until we relent and answer the call by taking action.
We hear stories of people who’ve had a scrape with death and come back with their priorities rearranged. What’s really important has become crystal clear in the face of such a life-altering event: relationships with the ones we love and the quality and content of our life. That’s what a cataclysmic event does, it shifts our perspective and allows living more in alignment with what matters at a deeper level. The Cold Mother keeps breaking us down until we finally see the difference between what’s meaningful and what’s just been taking up our time. We are sometimes cruelly reminded that there is only so much time we have, but it’s always our choice as to how we live our lives and at what level. Are we going to stay on the surface or dive deep? If we choose the latter, suddenly there is no time to waste on a pecking order, or mindless bickering, we want to hold the ones we love, and fill our lives with what matters.
Through the lessons of the Cold Mother we find the courage to live fuller, braver, and bolder
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