I was just rereading “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott. It’s a famous how to writing book. I have received this as a gift more than once. Of course it is also a guide on how to live your life with more depth and awareness. Writing forces one to look at life from different angles and deeper dimensions. There is a natural translation from observing life to consciously living life.

She has this analogy that has really stuck with me, about a hamster squirreling away everything. It’s about holding on instead of freely giving and how it keeps you stuck. I hate to “spend” anything. Whether it is energy or money or time. I have a hard time giving, especially to myself. But this hoarding of energy doesn’t help me conserve energy or do more, in fact it acts as more of a hindrance.

This became really apparent when we finally moved our stuff out of storage after constantly traveling for work for almost 7 years. I found beautiful soaps I never used because they were too pretty, essential oils not used up because they cost too much. Books or towels or cookware that were once new but now chipped, cracked, or dirty from being packed away far too long. I couldn’t help noticing how many of these old, broken, beautiful things there were.

The worst part was the sad realization that the outside gifts that went unused were just symbolic for all the inside gifts I wasn’t using. This was a watershed moment for me. There I was, confronted with all the things I’d been hoarding because they were so beautiful, but unable to use because of their beauty. I didn’t want to end up like that. It made me think of all the things I could be doing or sharing that were just gathering dust inside of me. Vital pieces of me that were dying off.

So when we moved into our new place I broke out whatever was left and started using it. Candles, perfume, quilts I’d made, CD’s, (right! I missed a whole generation everything is now mp3), everything that still had life in it I used up and what didn’t I threw away. I found I held on to a lot of things didn’t fit who I was anymore. I let all of those things go.

The exterior cleaning started my inner revolution. I looked at what behaviors didn’t serve me anymore, what attitudes I’d outgrown. When I cleared away that interior clutter, of all the things that didn’t fit or work, I found the underutilized and neglected pieces of me started finding their voice. (Hello, this blog!) And all these parts of the real me started to be incorporated into a new expression. I opened up, I took that hike, called a friend, scheduled a massage, and started caring for these new parts of my soul.

Now when I buy something I use it. And when I feel something I say it. And when I want to try something new I do. Maybe not all the time, but more often. I remind myself of all the time and gifts I’ve let slip through my hands. I want to embrace what is offered to me now. 

To me this is being in the flow with life instead of hoarding, and holding everything back until it no longer has any meaning. It can’t be so special we never use it. And that is just as true for all the interior gifts we possess that need sharing.

If you get stuck visit SARK. She’s one of the most original, uplifting, and inspiring writers I’ve ever run across. And a big cheerleader for the searching soul. You can call her for an inspiring message: 415-546-3742.

Everyone needs your gifts! Please start sharing them.

kb