Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere. – Paulo Coelho

I think about coming of age in the me generation of the eighties. It was all about endless accumulation and the idea that the more we have the more we mattered. Not only is this a lie, it’s also an unsustainable model, because when we are trying to fill ourselves from the outside in nothing will ever be enough. These threads are still firmly woven into the culture of today. But this mindset is beginning to wear on us because it’s an exhausting and endless cycle, one that poses a dilemma we can never resolve. That’s because we’ve been looking in the wrong place. It’s becoming clear that what we’ve been looking for on the outside is really found within. It’s the inner gifts like compassion, love, and kindness that we’ve been trying to buy instead of embodying.

Giving these types of gifts to ourselves and others with will be what’s next. But the giving doesn’t come out of fear of diminishment, or worry that we will not have enough, or that we’ll have to make do with what’s left over. This kind of giving will come from our full hearts, from wholeness of self, and the knowledge that we are more than enough. We can give without giving ourselves away. This, in fact, is what the next step requires of us.

The old style of continuing to give even when we have nothing left for ourselves is what depletes us, creates a sense of lack, and ultimately drives us to buy what we feel is missing. This expectation has traditionally been laid on the hearts of women, to be endlessly giving, understanding, and sacrificing to the point of disintegration. But now it’s time to cultivate a healthy balance and that begins with us and the way we give and receive. It is not about incessant taking and it is not about giving it all away. It’s something completely different. There is tremendous power in being able to give with a full heart and the sacred intention of kindness. The truth is the more we give in this way the more wholeness we create. Then we can fully receive what’s being given and become more of who we were meant to be. And although I am talking about what we give to others, in reality we can never give to another what we have not given to ourselves first.

This kind of giving always starts with receiving. But these are gifts that can’t be monetized or codified, it’s more subtle that that, it’s energy, life-force, and spirit. And the simple truth is it’s easy to give those things away when we have an abundance of them for ourselves to begin with. Then the giving becomes as rewarding as the receiving.

So where to begin? With you and consciously embarking on the journey of bringing these things home to yourself. Fill your own cup first, then see how easy it is to begin giving to others in the same way. When we have enough of what feeds our soul it is easy to feed another. It’s that simple. Consciously and deliberately cultivate the joy, delight, care, and love within, then give that same joy, delight, care, and love to others. That’s how it becomes an endless two-way flow of giving and receiving. We give the same gifts to ourselves that we want to receive and then we give those gifts to the world. When we have joy, delight, and love anchored within it naturally flows out without trying, pushing or forcing.

So fill up your soul tank first. When we get what we need it becomes easy to pass it on. Then we are constantly regenerating, replenishing, and renewing. It is not only the over-giving that leads to emptiness or exhaustion, it’s the under-receiving, but we will never be empty if we first give ourselves what matters most.

The effortless giving and receiving of all the beautiful gifts everyone has been searching for on the outside then start to come spontaneously from within.

It’s time to take the next step.

kb