“The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” – Marie Kondo

Lately I’ve been thinking more and more about the things in my life that support and nurture me and those that don’t. I have this storage unit I rent that’s been weighing on my mind. What is going on with all this stuff I have worked hard for to buy, that I tote around wherever I move, but that I do not actually use. I think it’s partly because I’ll buy anything if I think it’s the solution to my problem. New cookware to make it easier to prepare meals, exercise equipment to get into shape, new linens for a better nights sleep, face creams for flawless skin, or whatever else I might need that will answer the questions that nag me. It’s not just material things either, it’s ideas. Old, outworn thinking that no longer supports the way I live. I’ve been toting those around for a long time too. How many workshops have I taken, how many books have I read, how many time have I changed my major? I’m always chasing the ever illusive answer to the questions I ask myself. Every time I think I’ve got it. And every time it’s not even close.

After all this trial and error I’m finally learning. My medicine is simplicity. Everything is already complicated enough. There are  millions of answers, millions of ways to live. The truth is everybody has their own unique answer. That’s why it’s no good following someone else’s regime, we have to create our own. We are the only ones capable or finding our own answers. I found out I don’t want to pile on further complications. I want one thing I really love instead of ten things that will do. I need open spaces to think clearly, and quiet time in order to create who I am. I want my life to be like a haiku; minimum of words, maximum meaning, space between the thoughts, and mystery.

For me, this inner paring down started the exterior cleaning up, (or maybe it was the other way around, they are definitely reciprocal). For the external renovation I began with my bedroom closet and Marie Kondo’s, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I believe the reason it’s sold so many copies is because it captures the mystery of deciphering how to choose what belongs to us. She says we should keep only what sparks joy. And I think that translates to everything in our life. Starting with our clothes, books, and kitchen appliances is more manageable because we can take them out, scrutinize them, and see what still speaks to us.

This, of course, is the same thing we need to do on the inside. But when we try to sift through the inner clutter that keeps us stuck, it becomes infinitely more difficult to do the work of sorting. I think we can begin by owning our part in the life we’ve created. When we do that we can start the sorting and discarding in earnest. We can go layer by layer, examining what’s there, deciding what’s working in our lives, and discarding what doesn’t. That’s why journaling or dream work works, we go through each emotion, event, person in our life, and see what brings joy verses what’s creating turmoil. Granted it is much more difficult to let go of people and patterns than shoes and dishes. But as we grow and change this is what’s required of us if we want to be true to our self.

That’s why my medicine has tools for navigating the interior, journaling, dream work, tarot, drawing. It’s a filter to distill all the information I receive day in and day out, and make some kind of sense of it. It lets me sort out what really belongs to me, and discover what’s really working in my life. Everyone’s medium to do this will be a different mix of tools. It’s our job to figure out what works best for us. The easiest way to start that process is by throwing out everything we know for sure that isn’t working. That includes the old thinking and patterns of living that weigh us down.      

It’s a funny coincidence that once we start cleaning up the interior we reconstruct our external boundaries and what we allow in our life. There is a reason we surround ourselves with the people and objects we do. They teach us the lessons we need to learn, if we listen. They will help clarify what belongs to us and what doesn’t if we pay attention to how they make us feel. People who don’t really support us fall away, we let go of things that no longer fit who we are. In the end we define how people and our surroundings treat us. (If you don’t think we can be bullied by things, you haven’t watched Hoarders.) When we do the work it allows us to consciously make those decisions about what stays in our life and what goes. It’s time to be surrounded by what brings us joy.

Supporting our soul and allowing only what nurtures and supports us, is a medicine we all need.

Here’s to finding more of it in your life.

kb