Taking it or leaving it sounds so easy but it’s rarely that cut and dry, and if it is we somehow manage to complicate it anyway. We end up taking on too much or leaving everything behind except what still haunts us. That’s because when it comes to our own lives it’s hard to see the whys behind what we do. It’s tricky discerning the difference between what we choose to purposely carry forward, what we haul around without even realizing, and what we’re running from. That’s because it’s practically impossible to step outside ourselves and impartially evaluate the choices we’re making and actions we’re taking. We end up getting tossed around in the middle of the chaos instead of having a bird’s eye view.
But there is something that could help. If we want to see the inner whys more clearly, we need to do something we are unaccustomed to and a little afraid of, surrender. Getting the bigger picture requires dropping our investment in whatever scenario we’re pushing to play out and trust that all will be well, maybe even better than we could’ve ever imagined. Greater clarity comes when we let go of our attachments to our titles and roles, the things we think define us, our work and relationships, obsessing about what our lives should look like and those things we can’t seem to live without. When we finally release our kung-fu grip on any of these things, that in the end matter very little compared to what our heart longs for and loves, we can see more clearly what we want to take and what we want to leave.
The truth is it’s the same deal on the inside. We carry around a lot of extraneous baggage we simply don’t need. We hoard and hang onto old ways of thinking, worn out ways of doing things, junked up emotions, unresolved feelings, and grudges we can’t seem to forgive. But this comes at a cost. All of this takes up valuable space inside and diverts us and from what we really want to be doing.
The tremendous sense of freedom that comes from being clear and choosing what we take or leave gets buried under uncomfortable feelings and downright fear. Any new phase of life or a different approach feels scary at first. And for good reason, stripping away all the old stuff, ideas, habits, and how we’re used to running our lives, that feels like second nature and seems to define us, can be harrowing. Often, the honest truth of ourselves is painful or hard to see. We get sidetracked with what others want or expect and try to fit in which only leads to another soulless dead end.
Taking the time to look more closely and dig a little farther down means we have a choice about what we take or what we leave and are clear about why we’re doing it. Don’t be afraid to move on from the things or people that aren’t really helping or supporting you. Be discerning about what remains in your life. Taking a second look at habits, labels, and behaviors that are your go-to can help you reevaluate what you’d like to come next instead of being silently swept along in something that’s no longer working.
There will be sacrifice and surrender and we’re called to be courageous with whatever we take or leave. This is how we birth a new phase of life.
kb
P.S. You can check out my new phase at www.writingandritual.com.
