We all know what it’s like to feel out of place, out of sorts, or unsure of ourselves, but we’re not always clear about the whys behind it. Underneath it all can be a tangled mess of overwhelming emotions, obscure feelings, seeing ourselves as an outcast or misfit, or just out of sync with what’s expected of us. But all of these feelings are not random. Everything we are or feel or think right now has an origin, and if we can begin tracing all the way back to where we shifted from being secure to second guessing ourselves, we may be surprised at the answers we find.
Following these feelings of disorientation or disconnection all the way down to an honest answer often shakes the foundations of who we think we really are. But coming face to face with these things that trigger or frighten us can lead us to the why of what we do or why we have such a strong reaction or why we feel so fragile around certain people and in certain situations. This thread may take us all the way back to the original wounding, to the place where our heart was first broken or scarred or when our trust was first shattered. That’s when we learned that being who we are isn’t safe or saying what we feel isn’t ok.
The original wounding is our ground zero, the place from where we both consciously and unconsciously begin to build our lives around this lie, fear, or devastation, until we find ourselves in a place where we no longer recognize the true breadth and depth of who we are. When we get to this point, which I like to call the, I’ve had enough of this shit moment, we are at the beginning of unraveling one of these unnerving mysteries.
It starts when we’ve had enough of walking on eggshells or editing what we say or do. This kicks off the journey of looking for where we’ve disconnected from our heart and soul and started faking it. Then comes the unraveling and careful disassembling of those pieces of ourselves that are a reaction instead of an authentic articulation. The obstacles that arise when getting closer to our core truth can be trying, they can play havoc on our emotions, and pull at the very fabric of who we think we are.
What’s really happening is the slow deconstruction of what doesn’t work, those things that make us feel small or unworthy, or the acknowledgement of what we had wrong this whole time. Healing the original wound calls for the clarity and bravery to put the whole truth of ourselves back together. The price we pay often involves tremendous loss and a feeling of being uprooted, but this is part of the journey as well if we are to reclaim the pieces of ourselves we abandoned long ago.
The hard truth is, it’s not possible to be everything to everyone. What we are responsible for is showing up for ourselves, which necessarily means some other codependent, clingy, or self-negating behaviors that feel comfortable or like second nature have to go. And that’s a good thing, in fact, it’s a relief. Sometimes what we think is absolutely necessary, or what we’ve relied on the most falls away when it’s taught us what we need to know. Then it’s time to gather our courage, reset, and recalibrate.
Healing the original wound gives us what we’ve been looking for, our freedom. The freedom to be exactly who we are all the time with no apologies, even when others don’t particularly like it. The clarity to know what is ours to live and what’s run its course is a precious gift, but it’s a gift we have to claim. As with everything that really matters it’s never one and done, it is a series of insights, a series of reconciling, more letting go, and some well-needed welcoming in.
Being brave enough to take an honest look within and release what’s no longer working is a healing journey. Embodying more of our authentic self restores what’s been lost or misplaced along the way and brings with it deep peace, a sense of well-being, and wholeness.
It’s time to heal the old wounds.
kb
