Never be defined by your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.            -Unknown

Can we forgive ourselves for everything we’ve done and left undone? I’m endlessly amazed at just how hard we can be on ourselves, how much we withhold self-forgiveness. Somehow it’s easier to forgive others for the exact same thing we are unable to forgive in ourselves. The expectations we have for our self seem so much higher and are often unrealistic. When it comes to ourselves we stumble, we lay down in the pain we think we deserve and let it take us. Where is our compassion for ourselves?

In truth there is nothing that can’t be forgiven. Forgiveness carries with it the gift of healing that works on every level of the mind, body, and spirit. A feeling that perhaps has been unfathomable until embarking upon the process of self-forgiveness and connecting with the power it has to soothe the deepest wounds. So what have we done that’s so bad anyway? How awful is it really? Stalin bad, Pol Pot bad? I’m guessing not. The first thing to do is name the pain we can’t look at. By naming it we deflate it, and this begins to knock it down to size.

Writing can help clear the ghosts and mend the broken pieces, because writing it out brings it to the surface instead of keeping it locked in the closet. Our wounds need to be called out in order to deal with them. We catch on the page what has held us captive. It may not sound like much but everything wants to be acknowledged, our feelings, missteps, and wrong turns are no exception. The mistake we make is thinking that by ignoring these difficult feelings they will go away on their own. Not quite true, they haunt us until they get our attention. Everything we are needs a name.

This is when we dig deep into our own Pandora’s box and loose those things we think can’t be forgiven. Number them, name them, own them, then it’s time to release them. Own the moment, own the action, learn the lesson, but realize it’s passed, forgive yourself, it’s time to move on. Not only is it okay to move on, it’s necessary if we are going to fully engage in our lives. We are not perfect, no one is, and we can’t hold anyone, including  ourselves, to an unobtainable degree of perfection. We all make mistakes, but then it is time to let ourselves out of self-imposed jail.

The real question is what will we do with what’s left. What will we do with those feelings, frustrations, grudges, and regrets? Let them go or let them steal our lives away? Do we have enough compassion to let ourselves off the hook of perfection and self-denial? When we hold ourselves hostage for what’s already happened we only stay stuck in a cycle that leaves us feeling miserable. Forgiving ourselves deep down is giving ourselves permission to move into new places and make new choices.

By releasing the leftovers from life’s lessons we can open our hearts to ourselves and create a new kind of living and a new way of being.

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