There are two ways of speaking. One uses a voice that placates and hides, trying to keep the status quo, the other tells the honest and sometimes brutal truth. I suppose the ultimate winning combination is telling the truth in a gentle way, but sometimes this just isn’t possible. We need the strength and unruliness of the unvarnished truth beside us to begin mending what’s been broken within. Only the truth lets us out of our self-imposed prisons.
One of these voices is curated by the culture, especially for women. There are rules about what we can and can’t say, which feelings are acceptable and which aren’t, and of course we must always be nice, even if it’s not so nice for us. There is a long list with which we must comply in order to be considered a good woman, and this is the only voice we can use if we are to be liked and accepted. Truth is, we all are very familiar with this voice, but it stomps on our spirit. This is the voice of should and must-do, a severe substitution for following our soul and what makes us feel most alive.
The other voice is that of our wild, true self that kicks up the dust and makes things a little, well, edgy. This voice has the power to create a connection between our inner and outer worlds and this, at times, can be scary. That’s because there is no hiding or hedging when we use this voice. This voice always tells the truth of what lives inside and it’s the voice we must cultivate if we are going to speak the truth of who we are, fully engage with life, and cultivate what matters most. We walk this tightrope everyday, biting our tongue or saying it like it is.
Becoming more comfortable with the thoughts and feelings that make us a bit uncomfortable, and that at times seem a little suspect, is how to cultivate this voice. Prepare yourself, not everyone is going to like it, and you may even have trouble recognizing and accepting yourself at times. These things that are ultimately true for us may not be understood by those use to our candy-coated voice. A crucial part of the process of finding this unfamiliar voice is letting go of what other’s think. We’re going to have to learn to be okay with the fact that not everyone will be on board with our real voice, but this is not our problem.
There is no controlling this real voice. It is what it is, and it speaks to the depths of our soul we are unfamiliar with in our day-to-day living. We can seek it out and follow it or we can ignore it. But trust me when I tell you this real voice won’t ever go away. It wants to be heard and although it may put up with being delayed it won’t be denied. At some point in time we will have to find a home for our voice in our lives and in the world. And it will be a revelation and a relief.
This is part of the human condition we all struggle with in one way or another, but when we get it right we create new worlds, inside and out.
kb
