It’s human nature to want a do-over. Once we’ve gained more insight and awareness we come face-to-face with our past, and see all the things we’ve done, or didn’t do, that we’d like to have another crack at. Behaviors we’d change, different choices we’d make, and attention we’d pay to people or situations that seemed unimportant at the time but now we see with painful clarity were the most important. What if, we think, what if I’d said this or done that, maybe everything would be different. Maybe, but maybe not.
What-if is a very dangerous territory because no matter how much we may want to we can’t go back and change the past, we can only be in this moment of now and make our best choices. We lose our lives agonizing over the past. Wishing we had said or done something different, counting our regrets and mourning the actions we did or didn’t make catches us in the trap of half-living. We compare where we think we ought to be and what we should have in our life against what exists. When we live in what-ifs we miss out on what is.
An endless amount of time is wasted trying to hold onto what no longer exists, if it ever really existed at all, or grieving what we let slip through our fingers. This is how we miss our life and get set up for another cycle of what-ifs. The only cure is being fully present, paying attention, and owning what we do in the now. Greater clarity about our current choices can right a lot of wrongs. What we can do is be everything we truly are in the situation we find ourselves and see where it leads us. Then there will be nothing to regret, even if it all does fall apart.
We can’t go back and change the past, but we can stand firmly rooted in all we want to be for ourselves and others right now. We can make amends and come to terms with the mistakes and mis-steps of our past, with all we’ve left undone and all that remains a mess. We do the best we can with what we have, and trust that it will be enough.
If we build the rest of our lives on this firm foundation of the clarity of now, what a beautiful life it will be, no matter what comes.
kb
