Oh expectations, they can wreak havoc in our lives. We have such lofty ideas of what we’ll do, who we’ll become, and what our life will be like. And then there is the reality of it. Coming down to earth can be excruciating.

This reality check is often easiest to see in our relationships. How many times have we’ve been let down, disappointed, betrayed, or hurt? The worst part is the problem is us, the pieces of ourselves we can’t accept, what we refuse to see, old habits, and emotions that get the better of us. It’s not about having no expectations but we do have to be able to see things for what they are instead of what we wish them to be. So easy to say, so hard to do.

It’s very difficult to admit where we flounder and even harder to own up to our failures. But these admissions are part of what saves us from missing the truth of what’s actually happening. The solution to the problem is the work we do within ourselves to get to the point of greater clarity. If we can be in the moment of now, acknowledge our part in it and the road we took to get here, then take responsibility for our actions, and let others take responsibility for theirs, not only will we be a lot happier but we’ll be true to our self. This takes hard work and that means going to the darkest places within ourselves.

This is a place where things fall apart and sometimes we need to let them. This is how we finally see the difference between what we cling to in the moment and what need to create wholeness. It all starts within the circle of our self, what we allow into our lives, and where we draw the line. By drawing a boundary that no one is allowed to cross we begin to set up the kind of life that nourishes us. It’s amazing who and what drops away when we begin to say no. And it’s okay, actually it’s better than okay, it changes our life. We let ourselves out of the cage of expectation.

We always have to choose and sometimes those choices are incredibly difficult to make. But the harder the decision the more wholeness it brings, it’s a kind of cosmic math equation. Finally seeing things for what they are clarifies the confusion and cuts a lot of unnecessary angst from our lives. It’s surrender and liberation at the same time. When we don’t expect that everything will be the way we planned we make room for something we didn’t even know existed. Usually this something comes in and completely transforms our lives.

The secret is in accepting the moment, the person, the situation, for what it is, not the dream of what it could be. This brings wholeness and joy. This kind of life only comes from a place of accepting what actually is.

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