I’ve long had a thing about my throat. When I was in elementary school I routinely got tonsillitis and then it was always scratchy, sore, or hoarse. For me it’s a reminder of all that’s left unsaid and what still needs attention. This is partly why I am so obsessed with speaking up and finally saying out loud what’s true for me on the inside. One of the reasons it can be so difficult to use our voice of truth all the time is that many people around us don’t really want to hear it. They like things just the way they are and would prefer if we fell in line in order to keep the status quo.

But just below the surface of complacency and the delicate webbing of fronts we all use to get along in the world is the truth that threatens to rip all that apart. Do we really like our judgmental mother-in-law, or our rude, chain-smoking uncle, maybe not, but we’ve put together a way of dealing with them in order to smooth life out when we come into contact with them. If we are honest we find we do this almost everywhere, with co-workers, extended family, sometimes even the people we love the most. It’s a way of evening out the rough edges, and if you prefer less drama in your life the more keeping quiet becomes a way of living. I will say from first-hand experience the drama comes no matter what, covering it up doesn’t mitigate a thing, it just temporarily postpones it.

And now for the awful and wonderful truth. A day comes when we can’t fake it anymore and our truth comes out of us, like a song we’ve suddenly remembered the words to, and our life shifts. If we’re doing the work of becoming more authentically ourselves – and we all are in one way or another, at one speed or another – this day will inevitably come and the façade crumbles. Everything that’s been bubbling just below the surface wants expression and it’s going to have that no matter what. If we’re going speak what’s true for us on the inside in a straight-forward way we’ll need to use our voice whether it fits in with everyone else’s plans or not. This is another big reason why it’s so difficult to speak, when we do everything changes.

Maybe it’s a seismic shift, maybe a baby step, but it is movement towards what’s still unknown and that’s uncomfortable. We can try to wait for the right timing but in my opinion the right time never comes. And even if all the stars seem to align into a magical moment of this so-called perfect timing it still doesn’t soften the blow. I can tell you how it ends though, everything will be better. Honesty brings with it a rarified air. What’s a little less uncertain is how the in-between time will be, the time between speaking up and realignment with our new truth. This is the place of the unknown and we all fear to tread here because it brings everything we’ve been trying to avoid to the forefront to be reckoned with. But what we can know for sure is that speaking our truth is never wrong.

So keep the flame of truth alive and well in your throat, holding vigil until the words come.

kb