There’s always been a picture in my mind of the kind of person I wanted to be, and then there is the me I really am in my day to day life. What I’ve been trying to figure out is how to make these two lives overlap more often. I’ve tried copying others, endlessly learning new things, reading, hanging out with people much smarter than me, much cooler, or much stronger. Lately it seems the external me is finally matching up to the person I am inside. Exactly how I don’t know, just that it’s been this on-going process for much of my life. I suspect the formula is part hard work, part persistence, part miracle.

There is this magical sense of ease that’s created when these two ideas of myself match up; when the person I am in my heart and mind is the same one I show to the world. Suddenly, there’s no more settling for close enough, these are the times when everything feels just right. We have rituals and celebrations for the big markers, like graduating from college, getting a promotion, or a milestone birthday. But what about these smaller moments? The times when we feel like our life fits us perfectly, when we’re in love with the actual life we’re living. It takes hard work to achieve even a glimmer of this synchronicity, so when we does happen it deserves major appreciation. These are the moments we need to relish. We celebrate these small victories because they will sustain us when times get tough, when the road inevitably gets rocky again.

I think at the heart of this alignment between our inner and outer worlds is surrender. We begin to cultivate the courage to let go of what we thought we couldn’t live without, all those learned expectations of what’s right or appropriate. These pigeon-holed expectations usually turn out to be the very things that hold us back from what we need most. When we can detach from all the shoulds and oughts, we can start to enjoy our life for what it actually is, and appreciate who we really are. We can only do this by honoring the current moment for what it is, if not we end up missing out on our lives. Giving a voice to what actually is creates more space to become who we really are.

The darker side of surrender is the fear of letting go of the things we most desperately want to cling to. Sometimes just entertaining the idea of letting go of a beloved something or someone is enough. But often we are required to sacrifice it in order to welcome what is next. We need to shake things up in order to open to the unknown. That’s how we give the unexpected a chance to enter our lives. Without a risk there can be no new growth. Making room for the mystery can be painful and frightening but in the end it’s the very thing that keeps us alive and expanding into more of who we are. It gets us to those moments when everything clicks into place, when who we are on the inside matches up with who we are in the world.

Surrender is a terrifying kind of magic, but it works. It delivers us to ourselves. It’s an ordinary miracle that allows us to live more of who we are, unafraid, unflinchingly and completely ourselves.

kb