In the endless quest to be more, do more, have more, we’ve turned into a nation of endless consumption with zero satisfaction. It feels like nothing is ever enough, including ourselves. I was reminded of this as I was watching the original Willy Wonka. Veruca’s bad egg scene came on where she sings about wanting it all, right this minute, and screaming if she doesn’t get it. That’s exactly what the endless wanting that never finds fulfillment looks like. A big part of the reason she always needs something more is because she’s after the wrong things. The material things she’s desperately grabbing at doesn’t quench the longing or bring real fulfillment. Not only is it irritating to watch another endlessly whine and want, it’s also a recipe for a life of emptiness and deep dissatisfaction. All that wanting and trying to acquire more stuff is just a distraction from what really wants to be found; our voice, our soul.
It’s hard to see what silently waits for discovery behind all the glitz and commotion of life. It’s not so much a question about how to stop the constant wanting, but rather how do we attune our self to the subtler things that need to be seen, heard, and incorporated into our life. Each of us will have our own unique answer, which is partly why it’s so difficult to generalize how to do it. It’s not a checklist. But if we look closer at who and what brings us joy or a sense of purpose, we’ll be lead us to what our inner self desires. These will be the things that can soothe the endless wanting and finally bring a sense of deeper fulfillment.
When I was young I had my own Veruca moment that ended up defining the rest of my life. This was a total whining meltdown about something I desperately had to have. The kind of tantrum where the wheels just fall off. My mom was never a yeller, and somehow my uncle stepped in, pulled out his guitar and started singing the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want.” I melted down even more. I didn’t want to hear no, or why I was being told no, I wanted what I wanted, like right now or I’ll scream. But this memory and that refrain never went away. It’s floated in and out of my life ever since as a reminder of what’s really important. Part of the reason it stayed around so long is that it became a favorite story around the holidays, or just because everyone thinks it’s so funny, including me. The telling and retelling of it was just as satisfying as watching Veruca fall down the bad egg shoot. The other part was that it was the truth, and in a way that song saved my life. We may not get what we want, but as the song says, we get what we need. This is the part that stuck with me. Getting the deeper needs met instead of the superficial wants. When we get what we need we get what heals us, enlarges us, make us better. It’s not about the endless accumulation of possessions that overflow our life and numb us to what’s really important. It’s about getting the things that fill the holes within our soul, the things that can actually change our lives.
A friend of mine said it best, it’s about getting the gifts we didn’t even know we needed. That’s what happens when we quell the Veruca within and open to something deeper, to the things that speak to us in a real and abiding way. We let into our life what is deep and lasting, and gives us a subtle infusion of spirit. That’s what we really want.
Here’s to getting what you need.
kb
