“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.” – hplyrikz.com

I’ve been thinking about my third grade teacher Mrs. Clayton. My family had just moved from Michigan to California in the middle of the school year. I was awkward and shy and Mrs. Clayton wore silk blouses and smelled like Shalimar. She watched out for me. She was kind and practical and she made me feel safe in a new, unfamiliar place. After all these years I still remember her and her kindness. In some way she is still with me. I marvel at that, the delicacy of that feeling, and how the remembrance of long ago kindnesses can last a lifetime. In the end I think this is what life is about. The kindnesses we do for others.

Sometimes we realize the impact we have on others, but most of the time we have no idea anyone is paying attention to what we do or how we behave. And yet we are all effected by those around us all the time. Some people we want around us all the time, others we can’t wait to get away from. It’s amazing to think that our positive influence in another’s life could last their lifetime. Just think about that. How powerful our actions are, that what we do or say can have that kind of impact. We may never know what one of our actions can mean to another. The seat we give up on the train, the person we let go in front of us in traffic. It doesn’t matter how small the action is, they make a difference in someone’s day. I was just dropping off some of the stuff I’ve been clearing out of the house to the Salvation Army. Another woman came up and we started chatting and got into our cars to leave. I waited for her to back out first and she hopped out and closed my back passenger door. I had forgotten to. That small kindness made a difference to me, it was thoughtful and it made me feel good. Imagine filling our days and lives with these small kindnesses? Imagine the quality of our life with more kindness in it.

The truth is we never know what another person is going through. We see only the exterior in fleeting moments at the gas station or grocery store. I think it’s important to be kind because you may give them the only reprieve in their day, the only moment when anyone is nice to them. It matters to that individual and I think it matters to the world. It’s the ripple effect again. Your kind action may inspire them to a kind action and so it goes. Acts of kindness build upon each other, they spread out and grow roots. And the deepest roots they grow is within ourselves. It’s like any other practice the more we do it the easier it becomes, the more it becomes like a reflex. Just think of it, a reflex to kindness instead of crabbiness. Heaven.

I guarantee our behavior will come back to us. Think of all the random kindnesses people have done for you. Now think about all you could do without expending that much energy, holding the door open for a mother and her children, letting someone with one thing to purchase go in front of you in the check out line. Simple. But the rewards that we get are great. It’s another opportunity to feel good, to be happy. There is an old saying that the teacher always learns more than the student. That is the truth. No matter how much we give out, or do for others, we always receive more. We learn the lessons of kindness and compassion for our self as well as others. Which is just another way of saying we live a greater fullness of life, we are more aware, and in deeper connection and concert with life.

So do the gentle opening of letting more goodness into another’s life, and see how our own lives are also changed and expanded.

kb