As a woman in our culture, I feel I need a perfection intervention. Maybe we could all use one. The unreal images we are expected to duplicate are insane. No one looks that good without a team, no one has the perfect family, perfect husband, perfect job, car, life, house, dog. It just doesn’t exist, at all, for anyone. Even when we’re convinced we are seeing it in action. We’re not, it’s an illusion. I promise.
I would say I am a recovering perfection addict. I did the whole Martha Stewart thing, the interior design thing, the scrap booking thing. I’ve done a million things to try to get my life, family, house looking just right. It’s so exhausting and it doesn’t stay that way for long. Souffles fall, dishes get chipped, linen closets look like the Tasmanian devil ran through it.
But all of this is nothing compared to the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect. When we become the project instead of the house, or birthday party, or vacation. Not only can we not do it all, we can’t be it all either. The perfect mom, the perfect girlfriend or wife, the perfect employee. It’s unrealistic and it’s a buzz kill.
There is a book by Marion Woodman called, “Addiction to Perfection.” It’s genius because she roots out multiple, and complicated causes of this addiction. It just doesn’t suddenly happen, there are always hidden connections that develop over time. We just have a hard time seeing them, they are invisible, they shape-shift. But all of these invisible threads link and connect back to the formation of what controls us and our lives. Once we begin to recognize the origins inside, there is a real shot at letting ourselves off the hook. We don’t have to base our self worth on what we do, or look like, or own.
I think this is why we reach a breaking point and implode at some point. There comes a time when we can’t carry the facade on any longer. I think that breaking point is the beginning of sanity.
When there is no more energy left to “make it happen” we start to get what we need instead of cluttering up our lives with the things we think will make them perfect. How many times have I said to myself, “if I buy this dress, make-up, or car, everything will be perfect. As if a material item could significantly change the way we feel about ourself. Significant change never comes from the outside. All real and lasting change comes from within.
The sooner we see that, the easier it is to release the drive to perfection that hounds us. Whatever it is we need to control, when the focus turns inward, we are a step closer to our own authentic freedom. What does a life lived for our soul look like? I know mine looks completely different from the way I was actually living. It had less stuff in it, less drama. The only way to get to that level of freedom to be who we are instead of who the culture thinks we should be, is from the inside out.
What does your soul want? What could you let go of and not miss? Why do you want to keep beating yourself up for something you might not ever be? Why aren’t you good enough just the way you are?
“You are enough. You have enough. You do enough.” – SARK
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