“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.” – Joseph Campbell

I would not say I am a clean freak, but I am an order freak. Which got me thinking about how much I like it when everyone in my family does everything just the way I want it. It rarely happens this way, and when it does I had to ask three times before, presto, just what I wanted. Getting my way takes a lot of work.

The shortcut is to do it myself. And this is the way it’s been working for years now. Until one day I finally had enough. I decided I didn’t want to do it all anymore. Finally, not having or wanting to do it all outweighed the desire to have the house just the way I liked it. That’s big for a Felix living with a couple of Oscars.

I saw this quote on Pinterest. It was a picture of Buddha and underneath it said, “Relax, nothing is under control.” I burst out laughing and crying. It felt just like it did when I was picking up everyone else’s mess, futile. The clothes, keys, books, mail, and everything else would migrate right back to where they had been before I cleaned it up. So why was I wasting my time? Why was I trying to control something I could never control?

And when I really thought about it, it was just another way to avoid what I really wanted to do. It was an excuse to keep me busy from all the things that really meant something to me. Don’t ask me why this is so, I just know for me I can put off what I really want to be doing even though I love doing it. It’s a weird mystery of the universe that I deny myself what I really want. And I thought, I’ve had enough of this. I want to put more of what I love in my life and less of the monotonous daily round stuff.

So what do I do with all that time that use to be spent battling the mess? More drinking tea in the morning, more writing, more yoga, more time outdoors, more time spent thinking, and enjoying the small moments of my life. Now in full disclosure I will say before I finished that last sentence I had to get up and wipe down the table I’m working at, I just noticed it had a million crumbs from meals past. I’m a work in progress.

The most important thing for me is incorporating more of what is meaningful in my life instead of sacrificing it for busywork. I question what I am doing instead of just being on autopilot. It helps me let go of what keeps me caught in a holding pattern. The priority becomes the things which give meaning to my life, and the oughts and shoulds I squeeze into the time left over, instead of the other way around.

Does it sound easy? It’s so not. I wrestle with it daily. But I find the more I look at it, and question it, the easier it becomes and the more content I become. I feel I am living more of my life than just being on the wheel of the daily round. There is a freedom in choosing what I do with my time.

Carpe Diem

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