Last night, as I was sleeping,

I dreamt – marvelous error! –

that I had a beehive

here inside my heart.

And the golden bees

were making white combs

and sweet honey

from my old failures.        – Anthony Machado

I’ve been talking with a friend about our past disappointments and how they sometimes hold us back from being content with the state of our current life. Maybe we cling too tightly to what others want, expect, or need from us, or let our family and culture guide our important decisions. An overriding sense of duty can stymie what brings authentic joy. When we think we haven’t lived up to these false and often impossible ideals, we feel we’ve failed. Although failing is a part of life allowing these failures to crush us can suck all the life out of living. A marriage that didn’t work out, a lost job, a path not taken. These may feel like overwhelming failures, but they don’t tell the whole truth. Sometimes we need to fail in order to find what it is we really need. What fit us perfectly twenty years ago won’t be what suits us today. That’s as it should be, our lives are for our own growth and evolution. It’s how we navigate the passage to these new vistas that can be daunting. But if we look within and consistently nourish our soul in an authentic way we will be well on our way to finding what is right for us, and that will be enough.

When I came across this piece of poetry again I got chill bumps. Suddenly all the seeming failures made sense, they aren’t here to pull us down and destroy us, they are here to remind us of what doesn’t work. When we are clear about what doesn’t make sense for us we can begin to build our lives in a direction that has greater meaning and depth. Always our current life is constructed upon the ruins of all we’ve outgrown. Our job is that of transformation. We are transforming the old disappointments and failures into what has vitality and life for us. It’s doesn’t do any good to copy anyone else, what matters to each of us will look different. There will always be things that don’t work out for us, but the manner in which we survive that transition, the choices we make in living each moment, creates the difference. That is the golden bees making sweet honey.

It may take some time finding what we really want, a lot of trial and error will be involved, but what was deemed a failure is merely something that doesn’t have any connection for us anymore. The necessary work to be done is seeing clearly what no longer sustains us and moving towards what does. That’s when all the old failures miraculously transform into the startling sweetness life has to offer. Remaining regrets merely point us to what needs to be done, and it’s never too late to get to work on the things that matter.

Nothing we do goes to waste, we are continually creating the ground of transformation for the new life that’s waiting to be lived.

kb