“Life is happening for you, not to you.” – Tony Robbins

It took me a long time to realize I was being bullied. Partly because it came from a friend/boss type I’d worked with off and on for a long time. Sometimes bullies come in unexpected disguises. My initial reaction was just to agree, to keep the working relationship, the friendship, the peace. But then it turned quite a bit darker. I started listening to what he was really saying. This guy wasn’t just a bully, but a misogynist, a racist, and a psychopath. I realized I was being asked to agree with things I absolutely did not agree with.

The first time I stood up it was kind of sideways. Almost like I did it without doing it. I think we were both shocked. I’m sure he thought it was an anomaly. Boy was he wrong. What I realized was that the first time was the hardest. After that it just got easier and easier.

What I also realized was that standing up to my bully was equivalent to standing up for myself. I started speaking up for myself  and other more and more. And the next time he said something completely inappropriate I told him so. And I felt great. I felt like myself.

As you might imagine I had to leave that job. Not because he fired me, but because that is not the kind of person I want in my life. There is no common ground. It was so toxic. He poisoned the well. No one could be happy in that store, his overbearing personality and his shortcomings ruined it for everyone.

Speaking up was how I drew the line about what I would accept into my life and what I wouldn’t. That has made the difference. Leaving that job was the best thing to ever happen to me. He showed me what I was made out of, and I have to say I appreciate that tough lesson. It had made me stronger and I hope better. I’m also quicker at drawing the line in my own life. What I will let in and what I must keep out.

Don’t let anyone push you around. You matter.

kb